What do Tiger Woods and baby seals have in common?
They’re both in danger of being clubbed by Norwegians!
Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree.
He couldn’t decide between the iron or the wood.
His wife Elin told police that she went for a rescue wood, but it looks like she really went for the driver.
Did you hear that he inspired a new Kung Fu movie to be released?
“Crouching Tiger, Hidden Hydrant.”
Did you make it out of your own driveway safely this morning?
Then you can say that you out-drove Tiger Woods.
Elin Nordegren got hired today as a consultant.
She’s teaching Phil Mickelson how to beat Tiger.
Why did Phil Mickelson call Elin yesterday?
To pick up some tips on how to beat Tiger.
Did you hear about Tiger’s last outing?
He drove into a tree, then ended up with a bad lie.
What kind of club did Elin swing at Tiger?
Looks like it was a bitching wedge.
What’s the difference between a car and a golf ball?
Tiger can drive a ball 350 yards.
What were Tiger Woods and his wife doing out at 2.30 in the morning?
They went clubbing.
What was Elin doing out at 2.30 in the morning?
Clubbing
Tiger Woods is so rich that he owns lots of expensive cars.
Now he has a hole in one.
Tiger Woods wasn’t seriously injured in the crash, but he’s still below par.
Apparently, the police asked Tiger’s wife how many times she hit him.
She said, “I don’t know exactly, but put me down for a 5.”
If the only person that can beat Tiger is a blonde with big breasts, it’s time for Phil Mickelson to bleach his hair.
What is the penalty for getting it in the wrong hole?
Ask Tiger, he knows.
Tiger drives very well on the fairway but doesn’t fare very well on the driveway.
Rock me.
Whats the difference between a golf ball and a caddy?
Tiger can drive a golf ball.
Nike wants to drop their endorsement due to accuracy problems.
Apparently, Tiger’s spraying his balls everywhere.
It turns out that fixing Tiger’s game and fixing his marriage both require the same thing.
Better control over his puttz.
Why was Tiger’s wife mad at him?
She heard that he played a-round in Australia.
What will the headline be if they prove it is domestic violence?
TIGER’S WIFE MAKES THE CUT.
Tiger just changed his nickname but still kept it in the cat family.
Cheetah.
Elin Woods has a twin sister named Josephine.
Know how to tell them apart? Elin is the one holding the bent 5 iron.
What do Tiger and the Beatles have in common?
They both experienced a hit with Norwegian Wood.
First words spoken to the paramedics by Tiger:
Who are you? And what are all these trees doing in my living room?
Tiger Wood’s shirt is all red.
Problem is, there’s no tournament, and his veins are a pint low.
